


Loyalty

by elijahluv



Category: Take That (Band)
Genre: Explicit Language, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Rating: NC17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 12:51:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19107460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elijahluv/pseuds/elijahluv
Summary: Howard is loyal till the end, even if it's never appreciated.





	Loyalty

Howard Donald always liked to think of himself as a good bloke, sure he’d done a few things in his youth he wasn’t proud of and there are certain things he may have said that he wishes he could take back but overall he thought he was a pretty decent human being. 

He didn’t lie, well not about anything serious. He didn’t steal, except that one time in 1994 when there was just one bit of Gary’s birthday cake left that he had saved because he wanted to take a piece home to his Mum, but really how his mate expected him to ignore the chocolate indulgence in the fridge after an attack of the munchies from a lot of weed was anyone’s guess. He didn’t cheat, honest he won that game of Trivial Pursuit fair and square; Robbie was just a sore loser. He hadn’t killed anyone. And he had never done anything illegal, apparently you can be arrested for urinating in public but nobody saw him do it so as far as he was concerned it never happened.

So yeah he thought he was a good bloke, I mean there are a lot of worse people in the world so Howard considers himself one of the good guys. Especially to his mates. He’s loyal, almost too much sometimes but it’s something he prides himself on. 

When you’re in a band you kind of have to be loyal, otherwise it won’t work. You have to have each other’s backs or it will just go to shit. And Howard felt a huge amount of responsibility being the oldest. He had to look after them because God knows Nigel wouldn’t. He didn’t care how they felt, so long as they still sang the songs and got the girls screaming. 

So Howard would be there. He would sit for hours with Gary, in the early days he was always fretting about trying to write the next song. Howard would nod his head whilst he babbled on about piano cords and music structure. He always made him laugh, because it was the only way to get him to stop stressing, he loved it when Gary laughed, loud and a little bit dirty. 

He would try his best to point Mark in the right direction, making sure he never got into any kind of trouble. He always worried about Mark the most because he was far too nice for his own good, they used to travel the world and he would always end up chatting away to strangers as if he knew them for years and Howard would have to watch them very carefully to be confident that they weren’t going to kidnap him and sell him to the sex trade. 

Robbie was a bit more difficult, very much like Mark he never had a problem talking to people but there was a slight change in the story. Rob liked the attention, wanted to be noticed, he probably never paid any attention to what the other people were saying so long as they were looking at him. He wasn’t built to share the spotlight really and Howard always knew how to reel him in a bit and calm him down. The older brother who always made sure he used a condom and stopped at just the two drinks. 

Of course after the band split Howard couldn’t always be there. He couldn’t take the stress away from Gary anymore, wasn’t able to stop him gaining all that weight and recoiling into himself. He couldn’t watch out for Mark, give him the advice that he so desperately needed in order to not be completely taken advantage of by the music industry. He couldn’t pull Rob out of the dark hole that was sex, drugs and rock and roll. He had failed all of them. 

Except one. Jason. 

Jason Orange was a different story all together. Mainly because he probably didn’t really need Howard looking after him, not really. He was only slightly younger than Howard, it wasn’t like he was a lost teenage boy, he’d been around and probably had done his fair share of experimenting before the band had even started. If anything Howard probably needed him. Because while he was busy looking out for the other three Jason was always there looking out for him. 

He proper fancied him too. Smug sexy bastard, always ready to match Howard in the dance stakes, most of the time doing it slightly better because as much as Howard hates to admit it Jay always was a slightly better mover. 

It was always a friendly rivalry, a bit of banter here and there and the first few years were glorious. Yeah they travelled a lot and missed their families and friends, and Nigel was always a bit of a twat, especially with Jason which made Howard’s heart break a bit but Jay would look at him and smile and say he was ok and that he shouldn’t worry about him, so he didn’t. He didn’t worry, but he was loyal. Never told a sole the secrets his friend had confided in him, always stuck up for him when Rob would make a snide comment, nothing too mean of course just always trying to take the mick and get a rise of out him. 

He would never betray that trust, and that went with all of them. Howard had become the one they all confided in for some reason. So he knew all of the little things they never wanted anyone else to know. How Rob came to his room crying one night because he was insanely jealous that it was Gary who nearly always got the lead vocal and that he just wanted a chance to prove himself. How Mark used to ask his advice on sex and girls and whether or not it was ok to sometimes possibly think about boys in that way too and did it make him gay if he did? How Gary would bare his soul about his insecurities, convinced himself he was the ugly one and that if it wasn’t for his musical talent he’d of been replaced months ago by some tall handsome guy called Jeff or Zac because they had the better image for a boy band. 

So yes Howard was loyal. And he was fine with that because he loved each and every one of them like brothers. Well not all of them like brothers. 

***

It’s early April in 1995 and they’ve wound up somewhere in Germany, they’ve being doing shows constantly and finally there is a break in the schedule and they actually get a night off. Not the day of course because as usual they are paraded around the entire country doing interview after interview. Howard doesn’t mind so much but all the questions are the fucking same and he’s pretty sure that yes they do have German fans but surely not so many that they have to be on every TV show going. 

It’s exhausting and physically draining; especially for Howard because he never likes to talk much in interviews, quite content with letting the others smile and flirt with the presenters whilst his mind wanders, thinking about whether or not it’s a good idea to have a spliff later on, if Nigel will notice that next morning that the one with the dreads is a bit stoned. Kind of goes with the image he’s created for himself. 

They make it back to the hotel, Mark and Rob are itching to get out and party, both trying to persuade Gary that it will be good for him to let off a bit a steam. Howard agrees with them really, kind of loving the idea of just going somewhere they’ve never been in a foreign land and dancing the night away but Nigel puts a stop to the idea telling them this is not some jolly holiday where they can go on the lash and gives strict orders to Paul and James that the boys are not allowed out tonight under no circumstances. 

Mark starts pouting but soon cheers up when dinner arrives. They always treated themselves to a nice take away on rare evenings off. Howard has lost count of how many hotel banquet rooms they’ve commandeered over the years, always ordering way too much but somehow between the five of them eating every last bite. 

Dinner was always a long affair, they liked to keep it going for as long as they could because they all knew once they were done eating they would have to go to their separate rooms and sleep, not see each other till early the next morning. Most of the time they had to share rooms, Mark and Rob would always bunk together and the others would do a trade off each time, rotating which of them got to have a room to himself. But this was a rare occasion where they all had their own room, probably why Rob wanted to go out, for the first time in ages he’d be able to bring a girl back and not risk poor Markie walking in on him or having to wait awkwardly in the bathroom whilst listening to his best mate attempt to give some poor girl an orgasm. Or vice versa of course, although Howard reckons Rob wasn’t as compliant as Mark was at giving him some privacy. 

“I didn’t want to go out anyway,” Jay mutters into his ear, the other three oblivious as they are too busy having an intense contest to see who can fit the most prawn crackers in their mouth without breaking them. 

“Why?” Howard frowns, noticing his friend’s eyes are a bit glazed over, “are you sure you’re alright? If Nigel is being-“

“A dick?” Jason laughs, leaning close to Howard’s side. “He always is so I’m used to that, I’m just not in the mood to party.” 

“You would tell me wouldn’t you? If something was wrong?”

“Of course,” Jason nods, although it’s not very convincing and Howard makes a mental note to check on him later. 

***

Dinner finally ends and they all retreat to their rooms, turns out despite wanting to go out and party all night Mark and Rob are both yawning very loudly as they all get into the elevator, both seriously in need of a well earned rest. Gary is quiet, full from all the food so all three of them slowly make their way towards their beds. 

“Goodnight,” Jason smiles at Howard, closing his own door, his room opposite Howard’s. 

Howard simply heads into his own and has a quick shower, still worrying about his friend. He knows that Jason wouldn’t be asleep, always a bit of an insomniac so as soon as his dreads are dry enough that there isn’t water dripping all over the floor he quickly gets dressed and sneaks across the hall to see him. 

He enters the room as quietly as he can just in case, this was before the days of electronic room keys and the door isn’t locked so he manages to get into the room without a worry and instantly sees Jay sat on the bed, reading a book. “Hey.” He whispers, still trying to be quiet just in case the walls are paper thin, not wanting to wake any sleeping guests next door. 

“Hey yourself,” Jay responds, not looking up from his book. 

“Hope you don’t mind,” Howard sits next to him, the cheap mattress sagging a little at the extra weight. God Nigel did put them in some inexpensive hotels. “Just fancied a chat.”

“You’re worrying about me aren’t you?” And he’s right, because he always his, he knows it, chucking his book to one side, now looking at his friend. 

“A little,” Howard nods, feeling a little embarrassed about the whole thing, he’s pretty sure Jason knows he fancies him and Howard is unable to look him in the eye because he’s nervous that actually Jason is fine and he’s worried over nothing and made a bit of a twat of himself sneaking into his room. Honestly if it wasn’t for the fact they had become best mates Jason would most likely take the piss of out him for acting like a big girl. 

“You spend so much time looking after everyone you know that?” 

“I kind of have to.”

“No you don’t,” Jason insists, placing his hand under Howard’s chin, forcing him to look up. “It’s not your job; you’re not anyone’s Mum you know?” 

“I know,” Howard smiles, Jay’s hand having moved from his chin to his cheek, gently caressing it with his thumb. It feels nice and Howard leans into it, sighing deeply. 

“Let me take care of you.” 

And he does. They kiss, slowly and softly, not wanting to rush into anything, just enjoying the taste of each others lips. It’s not the first time they’ve kissed but it is the first time they have actually frenched it up. Their tongues moving against each other as easily as if they were choreographing a routine. 

They make out for almost an hour, not saying anything in between the smacking of their lips or the quiet moans they let out, just quiet content not to push it any further. Jason doing as he said and ‘taking care’, Howard too scared to take the next step because even after all the kissing he’s not sure that Jason wants him in the same way that he wants him. Needs him. 

“You should go,” Jason finally bursts the bubble, still holding onto Howard, his hands resting loosely on the other mans hips. His lips are deliciously red and plumped up from all the kissing and Howard doesn’t think he’s ever been more attracted to him. “Nigel will have a fit if he knows you sneaked in here.”

“I don’t know why,” Howard frowns, desperately wanting to go back to the glorious snog fest. “Who cares if we spend a bit of time together?”

“Remember the rules? No girlfriends?”

Howard blinks, confused. “I’m not a girl.”

“No but we both know it doesn’t just mean girls. No boyfriends either.”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” 

Jason lets go of him them, stepping up from the bed. He repeats, “no boyfriends.”

Howard doesn’t say anything to that, because what can he say? He’s still trying to wrap his brain around what happened. Does this mean Jason likes him? If it wasn’t for some stupid tiny nonsense rule set by the dark lord would he be with him? Where do they go from here?

He doesn’t know any of the answers and Jason has retreated to the bathroom, turning on the shower and Howard can take a hint so he leaves and they never talk about it again. 

So fucking loyal. 

***

“I don’t understand,” Gary says quietly. “You’re leaving?”

Jason nods, trying his best to explain that his heart isn’t in it anymore and that it wouldn’t be fair to them or himself if he continued with the band. Howard doesn’t say anything. Gary is asking loads of questions, confused by the whole situation; Mark is looking very sombre, nodding his head as if he sort of understands. But Howard says nothing. 

“I still love you all,” Jason says, looking especially at Howard who seems more content to look at the floor and pretend none of this is happening. “But I don’t want this anymore; I’m not a singer, not really. I’m barely even a dancer these days.”

“What you talking about?” Mark says, “you’re a fantastic dancer.”

“I’m getting old Mark,” he sighs. “Do I really want to still be spinning around on the floor when I’m fifty?”

“So you don’t have to break-dance anymore!” Gary says as if it solves everything, thinking Jay will just turn around and say ok and they can go back to normal. 

“You’re not hearing me Gaz; I don’t want to be in Take That anymore.”

“Is it something we did?” Gary asks, “because we can talk about it.” 

Mark nods, almost on the verge of tears. “Is it because we let Rob come back? I know you never really liked him that much.”

“Don’t be daft,” Jason laughs slightly, “I’m actually quite fond of him now believe it or not.”

“Then why?” Mark whimpers, actually beginning to cry. 

“It’s not for me Mark,” Jason explains, wiping away the younger mans tears. “You all love what you do, I know you do, but I don’t.” He looks over at Gary who looks like his head is going to explode from all the thinking his brain is doing in order to find the right words to make him stay. “Gary you have always wanted this, have people singing your songs and you have so much passion for what you do. Don’t you understand that I need to find what makes me that hungry? Gives me a reason to get up in the morning?”

“Oh Jay,” Mark sobs, bringing him into a tight hug. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I will be,” Jason smiles, hugging his friend back, grateful that he cares so much, he gestures an arm out to Gary, pulling him into the embrace. 

“I get it,” Gary sighs, trying his best not to cry even though Mark weeping away is enough to make him start, “I don’t like it but I understand.” 

Jason nods, knowing that right now that’s probably the best he’s going to get out of Gary. He’ll appreciate what he’s saying in time and that’s all that matters, the three of them huddle together, wrapping their arms around one another and Jason peers over the top of their heads looking at Howard who is still wordlessly sat in the corner of the studio, trying to block out what’s going on. “How?” He asks in that soft voice he has, “what do you think?”

Howard’s head snaps up, looking at the other three for the first time since Jason said he wanted to quit. “I think...” he starts, his voice a little horse, trying to find the words. “I think...”

They all look at him, Mark’s eyes all red and Gary’s shoulders sagging a little and that’s when Howard realizes he is the worst big brother in the world because at this exact moment he’s unable to make Gary laugh, he’s unable to stop Mark crying. And most importantly he’s unable to stay loyal to Jason. Because fuck him. 

“I think you can do whatever the fuck you want,” he yells loudly. “Because that’s what you always bloody do!” 

He storms out the room, not taking any notice of Gary calling after him. This is what he gets after years of being the best fucking friend the world? Jason just randomly decides he doesn’t want this anymore? Why didn’t he talk to him? He should’ve have said something and then Howard could’ve stopped this from happening but it’s too late now. 

He runs all the way home, as fast as his legs will take him and slams his front door behind him, collapsing in a heap in the hallway crying. It’s quite late and Howard should probably haul himself off to bed because at least then he can cry somewhere comfortable but he can’t quite muster the strength to haul himself up. His phone rings in his pocket. It’s Gary. 

He rejects the call, not really noticing that is had been going off the whole time he was running as the home page indicates he has nineteen missed calls and five new text messages. Eleven of the calls are from Gary, the other eight from Mark. None from Jason he notices and his heart breaks even more when he looks at the texts to see he has two from Gary and Mark each and the other is a random one from his network provider. 

He’s an idiot, a first class dunce. He actually thought that ever since that night in Germany he and Jay were more than just friends. That there would be a promise of more one day. When they got back together he was overjoyed that there would be no Nigel with his stupid regulations and beady eyes watching over them, he was even slightly pleased Rob wouldn’t be there because it meant they could all get along without any awkwardness about what he might have said about a certain piano playing band mate. He kind of assumed Jay was just waiting for the right moment, to finish what they started all those years ago. Howard was always too scared to make the first move and he didn’t want to bring it up because he was sure Jason didn’t want to talk about it. So he waited. 

And here they were years later. Still not even a tiny bit of any indication there was anything between them and Howard just wishes he wasn’t so fucking shy and scared for once and should have bloody well made a play for Jay the minute he saw him again after those years of longing and needing. 

There’s a knock at the door and he stops sniffling, going deadly quiet as he’s still collapsed in the hall hoping whoever it is can’t hear him and will just go away. There’s a moment of quiet and all Howard can hear is the ticking from the clock on the wall and his own shallow breathing, he thinks he’s gotten away with it but then there’s another knock. And another. Each one louder than the last. 

“I know you’re in there,” there’s a muffled voice behind the door and of course Howard knows exactly who it is. There’s another knock, this one more quiet and weak. “Please, just talk to me Howie.”

“Howie?” He laughs to himself in spite of everything, “the fuck makes you think you can call me that anymore?” 

“I can hear you!” Jason mocks him through the door, “in fact I can see you through the frosted glass so you might as well open the door!”

“Why?” Howard sulks, he’s being petty and he knows it but he’s so hurt that he doesn’t care. “You’re leaving right? No reason for us to see each other ever again.”

Jason sighs, Howard still has his back to the door, too scared to turn around and look at him but he can picture him in his head, stood on the doorstep, palms against the door begging to be let in. “I’m leaving the band. I’m not leaving you.”

That does it. That’s all it takes and Howard has found the strength to stand up and he opens the door. He doesn’t invite him in though, just lets him stand there. They look at each other, Howard knows he looks a state from all the crying but is surprised to find Jason looks just as bad, a far cry from the well together look he had moments ago at the studio, he seems upset and he can’t help but notice his eyes are all puffy as if he’s been crying too. 

“Why are you upset?”

“Just let me in How,” he begs. “It’s cold out here. I want to talk to you. Please.”

He nods, wordlessly letting him in. He leads the way into the living room and perches on the end of his sofa; Jason does the same up the other end. And never in all their years of friendship have they ever sat so far away from each other on one couch. Normally as close as they could get, curled up against one another, secrets and laughing between them shared, but not tonight. 

“Have you been crying?” Howard asks, feeling like a right tosser because here was Jason. Beautiful Jason mustering up the courage to tell them he wants to leave, which can’t have been an easy decision for him and the first thing he does is yell and swear and storm off into the night, making it all about him. “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he says it so quietly but Jason hears him. He has always heard him. 

“I’m sorry too,” he scuttles closer up the sofa, reaching his hand out but then thinks better of it and retreats back. “I want to explain.”

“You don’t have to,” Howard can’t help but meet him halfway, also scooting a bit nearer to the middle of the sofa, wanting nothing more than to just reach out and hold him but doesn’t. “But I want to ask you one thing, if I may?”

Jason nods, swallowing back the lump in his throat, “you can ask me anything you know that.”

“How long?” Howard doesn’t waste any time. 

“What?”

“How long have you wanted to leave?”

“Oh,” Jason blinks. “That.” Disappointment obvious in his voice because he was sure Howard was going to ask about something else. “Does it matter?”

“Yes, of course it does.” He raises his voice a little, “because I want to know if you ever enjoyed any time we spent together these past few years.” 

“That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No Howard, it isn’t. It isn’t about you and me, as I said outside me leaving the band doesn’t not mean I’m leaving you!” He reaches out again, this time following it through, he hand instantly linking with the other mans, Howard starts crying again because they really do fit together so well. 

“Did you always want to leave?”

“I don’t know,” it’s an honest answer, because Jason really doesn’t know. “I just know now and that is what matters.”

“What am I going to do without you?”

Jason smiles, bringing his other hand towards Howard’s face like he did all those years ago in that hotel room. “Be magnificent.”

And once again the kissing starts, but it’s different this time, more urgent and less tentative. And Howard knows this is such a bad idea but he can’t help but let Jason lie him down and crawl on top of him, grinding his hips against his own. 

“Jay,” Howard moans as his friend starts to take off his clothes, expertly so as he manages to still be placing kisses along his neck. “I think we should.....oh God!” His attempt to speak falters when Jay does something ridiculous with his tongue which makes Howard’s eyes roll so far back into his head he’s not sure they will come back around. 

Next thing he knows he’s lost all of his clothes save his shirt which might as well be off as it’s been pushed up so Jason can start teasing his nipples, moving ever so careful around his piercing. He’s enjoying it but it seems like way too much unfortunately words aren’t coming to his mind right now so he simply places a hand behind Jason’s head, forcing him to look up. 

“What is it?” Jason frowns, almost sounding pissed off, “I thought this was what you wanted.”

It all becomes a bit too real. And wrong. This is what Howard has wanted for nearly thirty years but never quite like this. Not with Jason leaving, not with them still having so many words unsaid. And then it hits him, why Jason is doing this. 

“I’m never going to see you again am I?” 

Jay stares at him, his normally brilliant bright eyes all dark; probably from a weird combination of the arousal and crying he did earlier. He doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t have to. “I told you I’m not leaving-“

“Leaving me?” Howard finishes the sentence. “Why else would you be doing this to me then?” He gestures to his crotch, his erection still painfully hard. If he wasn’t so upset he’d probably laugh at the situation, here he is practically naked whilst Jason remains fully clothed, even still got his bloody coat on. “We haven’t done anything like this since that one time in Germany. I always wanted to, I was always waiting but you never...” he trails off, not really sure what to say because they have never spoken a word about that other night. Ever. 

Jason stays quiet, confusion on his face. Howard can tell he’s thinking, working out what to say in such a heated situation. They’ve had many a moment like this over the years, where it takes Jason ages to reply because he’s going over various situations in his head, all of which could probably end badly depending on how it sounds out loud as opposed to in his head. The ironic thing is most of the time Howard can’t understand a word he’s on about, always so deep. “You know,” he finally says very carefully, not leaving his spot, still lying on top of Howard. “You could have made the first move.”

“Don’t.”

“I’m just saying,” he sits up then, slowly taking his clothes off. 

“Are we still doing this?!” Howard isn’t sure whether he should be happy or angry, still trying to work out if having sex with this man he loves will actually mean never seeing him again. He makes his mind up though when finally Jason is stood in front of him, completely naked, already ready to pounce back on top of him. It’s not the first time he’s seen him naked, hell he’s seen every one of his band mates naked more times than he probably should have over the years but it is the first time he can actually have a look, appreciate his body. Think all the dirty thoughts. He gets rid of his shirt because really there is no point in pretending he doesn’t want this. Of course he does. He has always wanted this.

But what happens after? 

“I promise,” Jason whispers into his ear, delicately wrapping Howard’s legs around his waist. “I’m not leaving you. I couldn’t.” There’s a sad tinge to his voice, “believe me I tried to already once after that first time around. But I couldn’t do it,” he buries his head in the crook between Howard’s neck and shoulder and just smells him, breathing him in. “I thought about you all the time.” He bits down on his collarbone, “every moment I was with someone else I thought about you. Always you.”

Howard lets out a moan, his heart soars because for the very first time he finally believes that maybe, just maybe, his feelings are returned, just as strongly if not more. He’s ready for Jason to start fucking him now, like really ready. He braces himself for a finger to enter him, get him ready and he’s a bit nervous because neither of them are exactly prepared. He has got some condoms somewhere in his bedroom but it seems that Jason isn’t exactly bothered about that as he hasn’t once mentioned protection and he doesn’t want to break the spell by going upstairs himself to get them. In fact he’s quite happy to just lie here on his sofa and let Jason get on with it, pain or not. 

Just when he thinks it’s about to start, his head falling back, eyes closed, Jason does something unexpected, he tries to sit up to see what he’s doing but can’t quite manage it as Jason’s hand is holding him down firmly, he’s shimmied himself down up the other end of the couch again. “Trust me Howie.”

The next thing he knows his legs are being wrapped around Jason’s neck and Howard thinks that maybe rather than rush into the sex he’s going to get a nice blow job, he isn’t prepared at all when he feels Jason’s tongue swipe over his hole. 

“Oh my God!” He gasps, because that is proper filth, and by the sounds Jason is making he loves it. “Jesus Jay!” His hands flail about, gripping the sides of the sofa as Jason eats him out, pulling his legs tighter round his own neck just so he can get nearer. The obscenities that leave Howard’s mouth don’t stop as Jason just keeps, licking and sucking and prodding. Getting it right in there. And fuck if Howard had known that this is what they could have been doing all along he would have made that first move in a heartbeat. 

Jason isn’t much better at keeping quiet either. It’s slightly muffled but he’s making noises even a porn star would blush at, the vibrations of his throat only intensifying the pleasure that Howard feels. 

He doesn’t last much longer; I mean how could he when Jason is doing that? And he comes, spectacularly hard. It all lands on his chest and Jason slowly works his way up his body, licking every last drop of the stuff. When he reaches Howard’s mouth he kisses him rotten and when you think about where Jay’s tongue has just been it speaks volumes that Howard kisses him back, loving the fact he can taste himself. 

He feels Jay’s erection digging into his side and he really wants to return the favour but he’s not sure he’s confident enough to do it in the same way. “Do you want me to...” he stops letting the words hang there, still panting from his orgasm. “Sort you out?” 

“You don’t have to,” Jason smiles, placing delicate kisses along Howard’s neck. He likes to do that Howard thinks, almost certain when he looks in a mirror in the morning he’ll have hickies all over the place. “Next time.”

“Next time?

“I told you, I’m not leaving you,” Jason says, his hand now running up and down Howard’s arm. “Just the band.”

“So,” Howard swallows, this is it. “Are we together? Like properly?” 

“Do you want to be?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t even think about it. 

“Then yeah, I guess we are.”

“Right,” Howard nods, increasingly aware of the fact that Jason is rubbing his still hard cock against his hip. It’s not the most romantic way they could have done this but it is memorable. 

“We’ll have to tell Gary and Mark of course,” Jason explains. “I don’t want to lie to them, don’t want to be your mistress.”

“Of course.” 

“But that’s it, no one else. Especially not Rob, I can’t deal with all the name calling.”

“I think he’d be happy for us actually,” Howard defends him but knows not to push it because Robbie and Jason’s relationship has always been a bit difficult. “But we can tell whoever you like, and keep it from everyone else.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Howard says, “whatever makes you comfortable.” Part of him wishes he could just scream it from the rooftops but there’s that loyalty again and although for a brief moment of anger Howard let it slip away he’s grabbed it back, holding it tighter than ever before because now that Jay’s quit he has to remain more loyal than ever before. “Shall we go to bed?”

“Yeah?” Jason waggles his eyebrows, “you going to ‘sort me out’?”

Howard laughs, because they are never going to be one of those slushy gushy loving couples. “Maybe, I mean I don’t think I’m ready to do...well..er..what you did.” He fumbles over the words, very aware of that fact that his face is getting red and it doesn’t help that he can hear Jason snickering under his breath. “But if you’d like to, I’d very much like to stick your cock in my mouth.”

And that makes Jason stop laughing, “that would be nice.” He drags Howard off of the sofa, finally managing the walk upstairs towards the bedroom.

It isn’t until afterwards, when they’re lying there in the dark, bed sheets barely covering them that Howard realizes. Being loyal is the best fucking thing in the world. 

Sure Jason was leaving the band but so what? As he kept saying he wasn’t leaving him. 

Loyalty. Always rewarded.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated!


End file.
